It’s Funny about Grief…

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I have my Bachelors degree in Accounting, my Masters degree in Sport Administration and my PhD in Greif.

The first two I earned with hard work and money at an accredited institution of higher learning. The last I earned through life, no formal classroom training required.

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s funny about grief…

To say you never get over the death of a loved one is true on the facts only. Of course you never get over the loss, how could you? But you do learn eventually how to deal with it and incorporate it into a full and happy life.

They say happiness is a choice, anyway, right? And I completely agree with that statement. We choose how we view any situation and equally, how we are going to react.

Each loss is different, as well. I have lost a child, parent, sibling and grandparent in that order. On its face that’s messed up, if you ask me. Leave it to me to start big…

It’s funny about grief…

We both lost our son…same person…completely different approach.

But there is no right and no wrong way to feel and react (except if you harm yourself) and I think it is actually brave to get help from someone who does not know you and is trained to guide you through the labyrinth of emotion.

It’s funny about grief…

For as many times as I have experienced it I have never really gotten good at it. And, I think that is good.

Grief, for me, starts with a light blocking Kevlar blanket covering me and shielding me from the piercing cuts of sadness that permeate from the outside. Under its cover I can safely deny the depth of emotion and reality in front of me. You are never actually protected but the impenetrable veneer gives me at least the pretense of safety.

Then the Kevlar makes me hot and sweaty and I can barely catch my breath. Its presence makes me remember the reason for its existence and I fall into a deep depression, often removing myself from any type of social situation which would make me uncomfortable…which would be all of them.

Then, eventually the Kevlar is gone and a heavy wool blanket takes its place, still covering me with heavy protection all the while allowing at least a glimmer of light. The wool is itchy and makes me angry. And, I’m angry with everything.

A clerk wishes me a nice day and I get angry. How can I have a nice day?

A friend is expecting a child and I have to go to a baby shower to celebrate. But how?

A father is teaching a child how to ride a bike and I am filled with rage. How can life be simply going on?

It’s funny about grief…

The sun comes up every day. And, it sets every evening. All around the world life is going on.

Then, one day, I notice I am bouncing down the stairs. When did that happen?

I notice I wish the clerk a happy day in return.

I look forward to shopping for baby things and showering the expectant mother with love and best wishes.

I appreciate the simplicity of a father teaching a child how to ride a bike and feel the warmth reaching my heart.

It’s funny about grief…

Then, on an ordinary day, many years later,

I hear Mike and the Mechanics sing “All I Need is a Miracle” while driving and burst into tear laden singing at the top of my lungs.

“All I need is a miracle…all I need is you.” In context I know it’s a love song (or a lost love song) but in my own context it represented my greatest hope for a miracle which was not to come.

I am singing so violently that people can not only hear me through the sealed car but start to look with a mixture of worry and fear.

But then…

It’s funny about grief…

It’s because as quickly as the song enveloped me with sadness and memory, the vicious emotion passes and the moment of malaise is over. I dry my tears, brush off and move on.

If I have learned anything these past 25 years it is to allow myself the luxury of these strong emotions because when I actually feel them, feel the grips of despair, I know they are as fleeting as the shape of a cloud on a windy day.

Eventually, if you get past the denial, get help for the depression and allow the anger to dissipate into acceptance and acknowledgement, you will feel happy again. Even that bouncy happy that fills your heart with joy. Choose to be happy. I know you can do it.

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Quick Skewers – Quick Dinner

It’s that time of year, isn’t it? The days are longer and we somehow seem to have even more to do. If you’re like me, you don’t want to spend all the daylight inside cooking. I try to sneak at least a half an hour each evening to getting things done outside. Winter is SO LONG!

skewers

The other night I wanted something quick on the grill. I bought a teriyaki seasoned steak from Wegman’s.

I cut it up into bite sized pieces and used a new set of skewers my cousin gave me for Christmas. Good cousin! I seasoned pieces of orange bell pepper and tomatoes that were about 2 inches in diameter with olive oil, salt and pepper. I think next time I will not use the tomatoes and instead use onions chopped into large cubes. Alternating, I added the tomato, beef and pepper trying to put the skewer into the middle of each piece.

We grilled them until the beef was caramelized on the outside (teriyaki marinade has a little sugar in it) and medium rare on the inside, about 8 minutes total.

 
potatoes

I served them with boiled tiny red potatoes with butter and sea salt

sprout bowl

Wegman’s makes roasted Brussels sprouts that we eat like candy. Imagine a vegetable, especially this one, eaten like candy. We just love them. But, they did not have them this past week. What to do?

Make them myself!

Remove the stem and peel off outer leaves of the Brussels Sprouts.

Remove the stem and peel off outer leaves of the Brussels Sprouts.

 

Dice a few pieces of Pancetta that you can get at the deli counter. Ask them to cut it thick, about 1/4". Dice it into small 1/4" cubes. Do this easily by stacking them on top of each other and cutting them all at once.

Dice a few pieces of Pancetta that you can get at the deli counter. Ask them to cut it thick, about 1/4″. Dice it into small 1/4″ cubes. Do this easily by stacking them on top of each other and cutting them all at once.

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

1 Pound Brussels Sprouts

3 ¼” pieces of Pancetta

Olive oil

Aged Balsamic Vinegar

Salt and Pepper

Roast them for about 30 minutes, until the outside is caramelized (the vinegar does the trick this time) and they are tender.

Join me on Facebook and let me know if you try this recipe. How would you tweak it?

Have a yummy day!

A Day Of New York Minutes

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4:25 am: I’m up before the alarm for my 6:45 am flight. It’s safe to say that happens never.

5:01 am: put on sensible shoes and put suitcase into car.

5:04 am: change sensible shoes and replace with more stylish shoes.

5:11 am: depart for airport 11 minutes late. No worries…I won’t stop for coffee and will ” make it up in the air.”

5:54 am: arrive at the airport, park and board shuttle. Meet a fellow foodie. Chat about food. He also makes his own Lemoncello. He uses grain alcohol, not sold in New York, which he procures from a friend in Ohio. I share my Polish potato alcohol and Pisco combination. We chat all the way through the TSA line.

6:13 am: have my ID in one hand, sweater in the other at the front of the line. No boarding pass. Oops. Quickly go backward in line. Obtain boarding pass. Back in TSA line.

6:25 am: My need for coffee supersedes all other things, including boarding a plane. Buy coffee.

6:30 am: entered line as they called my row. No problem. Easy peazy lemon squeezy.

6:35 am: seated next to my new foodie friend. Took my allergy medicine so my very clogged ears would not explode.

6:50 am: flight in the air, eardrums intact

7:45 am: Kennedy – early arrival

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Terri is pretty happy with her Jamba Juice!

8:06 am: Jamba Juice!! I had an Orange Carrot Karma Smoothie and it was good ’til the last slurp.

9:31 am: Penn Station madness…it may be the worst smelling place ever. Only go to the restroom if it is a dire emergency. Trust me on that one.

9:55 am: drop stuff off at hotel on 40th Street. Head to Rockefeller Plaza and Sak’s Fifth Avenue.

IMG_292910:12 am: stopped for a quick bite and quick sip at Pax.  We ordered a few iced lattes and tea along with a lemon bar and red velvet cupcake to share. The quality of the food here is very good but we were disappointed at how dry both our confections were. Brush off the crumbs. Move on.

11:34 am: Ran into Rod Stewart.IMG_2932

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_293612:30 pm: stopped by Cafe Metro for some Spicy Southwestern Pasta Salad. It had black beans and corn with a creamy mayo. I would have preferred a little less mayo but it was a tasty salad.

1:25 pm: birthday surprise at a Mid-Town Manhattan women’s clothing store. The birthday girl never saw it coming.

1:40 pm: drinks at a restaurant on 7th Avenue in Times Square. I wish I could remember the name so I could tell you not to go. Sorry.

6:00 pm: Pedi-cab ride to 39th Street Pier. BUYER BEWARE: Know/negotiate the price in advance and have cash.IMG_2949

 

 

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7:10 pm: Ferry to Lincoln Harbor (next to the Lincoln Tunnel) and a short walk to the Chart House.

7:30 pm: arrive and are seated at a curved table with a panoramic view of Manhattan.

7:30 – 10 pm: ate delicious food while staring at one of the most vibrant and exciting cities in the world. I cannot recommend this location more. Be sure to ride the ferry ($17/round trip) if you are capable of walking a bit. Make reservations via Open Table and allow yourself at least two hours. Also, the last ferry leaves around 10:30 pm so be sure to work that into your plan. There are plenty of taxies at the 39th Street station to take you to your destination.

11:15 pm: arrived at the Marriott Marquise Hotel in Times Square. My friend “had a guy” who could get us past the line and up into the rotating dining room for a night cap.  Drank a pineapple Caipirinha which probably would have been amazing had I not been up since 4:25 am.

photo (16)12:45 am: the view of the Empire State Building from my bed. Goodnight world!